WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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