so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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