I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
