last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
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I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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