Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
