I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
