So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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