final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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