If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
