Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
