Girls should come with a carfax report
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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