After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
