Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
