oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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