do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
