Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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