I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
