There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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