I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
