I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
