have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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