Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
