textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
