We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
