Please, let me fuck your mom
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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