My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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