And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
