we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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