you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
