Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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