I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
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I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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