Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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