just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
