Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
