I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my being single is dangerous.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
