we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
