i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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