I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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