every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
