Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
