i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
