It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Girls should come with a carfax report
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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