just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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