In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
