it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
