I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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