I think my fart just growled at me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
