Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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