So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
