Can i not drive my cunt home
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
