I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
