this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
