would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
