i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Actions speak louder than pants.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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