you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
thus making me awesome and them whores
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
only if we run a train.
done.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
