420 ftw
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
