she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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