dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
