we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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