I'm so fucking centered right now
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
