Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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