My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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