this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Randomize
