There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
