What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
