i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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