You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
