please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Your penis caused this!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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