So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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