My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
