So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
