o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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