I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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