R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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