the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I AM VODKA MAN
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
