i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
