I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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