You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
